Movies like "Drillbit Taylor" really make me mad; they feature teenage characters that are absolutely nothing like real teenagers, and they tell stories that are far too serious for light-hearted comedies. They're not relatable and they're not funny, certainly not to anyone who can actually remember being a teenager. I understand that "Drillbit Taylor" wants to be a farce, but it completely fails because it spoofs a teenage world that was already a spoof to begin with. In other words, this movie makes fun of a life that doesn't exist. It doesn't help that the story is just plain ridiculous, amounting to nothing more than an excuse for teens to be foul-mouthed and violent. If you actually find that sophomoric sense of humor funny, then feel free to stop reading this in favor of someone else's positive review.
The film begins with two friends talking on the phone the night before the first day of high school--the tall and lanky Wade (Nate Hartley) and the short and fat Ryan (Troy Gentile), who likes rap and prefers the nickname T Dog. When the big day comes, absolutely nothing goes right: not only do they unintentionally wear the same shirt, Wade also intervenes on behalf of an uncool nerd named Jim (Ian Roberts), who's being tortured by the school bully, Filkins (Alex Cross). Now with both a powerful enemy and an unwanted friend, Wade and Ryan endure hell for the first week of school, from getting locked in the trophy display to being forced to share the same shirt at the same time. What's worse is that absolutely no one offers to help them. Considering the number of students who witness this abuse happening in broad daylight, it's disgusting that not a single one would say something to someone.
When the bullied boys reach their breaking point, they place an online want ad for a bodyguard. After screening a number of possible candidates, they meet Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson), who impresses them so much that they immediately hire him. Forget about the fact that he looks, sounds, and behaves nothing like an authentic bodyguard, and let's just focus on his back-story for a minute--he's a homeless AWOL military officer who sees the boys' situation as a way to make money. Under the guise of being their bodyguard, he plans to rob them blind and use their money to run away to Canada. A loser conning adults is one thing, but a loser conning teens is just plain wrong; even if that does happen in real life--and I'm sure it does--it's not something that a movie should make light of.
In realizing he can't immediately take the money and run, Taylor wings his way through a makeshift training program, which is so pathetic it's a wonder they didn't catch onto his scheme sooner. The time eventually comes for Taylor to pose as one of the school's teachers, and amazingly, the staff accepts him on the spot. This is especially true of the English teacher, Lisa (Leslie Mann), who lusts after Taylor pretty much the instant she meets him in the teacher's lounge. Why she feels this way, I have no idea; she says she has a self-destructive tendency to gravitate towards losers and bums, but even then, it's hard to imagine why she acts the way she does. I was actually scared of this woman--she jumps onto Taylor and has sex with him so frequently that she seemed more like a stalker instead of a lover.
Eventually comes the climactic moment when Wade challenges Filkins to a fight. Without Taylor's help (for reasons I won't reveal), Wade and Ryan train each other how to take physical pain, and of course, it ends with both boys cupping their genitals in agony. At the very least, that scene was just being goofy, meaning it was a little funny. The same can't be said for the final fight between them and Filkins. This isn't a case of three boys engaging in a comedic fistfight; two minors and a psychotic eighteen-year-old are violent at a level you wouldn't even see on YouTube. They use telephones and lamps to bash each other over the head. They kick each other into furniture and handrails. Even a samurai sword gets involved, resulting in someone losing a finger.
What part of this sounds entertaining? What part of this sounds funny? To anyone who feels that I'm being overly harsh and just need to lighten up, let me reassure you that even I like to laugh from time to time. Actually, I love to laugh, pretty much like everyone else. But good grief, the line has to be drawn somewhere; teen comedies in and of themselves are fine, but if you see the humor in placing a severed finger in a cocktail to keep it sterile, I'm afraid you've lost me. "Drillbit Taylor" is like an arrogant comedian, thinking it's much funnier than it actually is, sinking down low in a desperate attempt for a laugh. Its portrayal of teens is sad, not only because it's so over the top, but also because, even if these characters existed, no one would ever want to be like them, anyway. But the title character is the worst of all--a man that uses young boys for financial gain is the stuff of drama, not comedy. If you disagree with that or with anything else I've said, why did you bother reading the entire review? |
